Dear Journal:

 Memorial Day.....2025.    

Dear Journal:

          Losing a loved one is never easy. It leaves a space in my heart that time can soften, but never quite fill. And..... when that loss happens on a holiday, the grief seems to settle in even deeper.   Days that are meant for celebration and for remembrance become days of sorrow.  The very dates on the calendar become tender reminders of what is now gone. 

         Twenty-nine years ago, Terry, my oldest nephew passed away on Memorial Day.  A sudden coronary artery thrombosis was his cause of death. One moment he was with us, and the next he was gone.  He was so young and it saddens me terribly that his wife and two small daughters were left to go through life without him. Each year when that day comes around, I find myself carrying both the weight of grief and the meaning of the holiday, a day steeped in remembrance. 

          Then, this past Christmas Day, my youngest brother passed away from a massive heart attack. The most joyous day of the year for so many, now carries a sorrow I never expected.  While the world celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ, and peace, and love, my heart aches for a brother whose presence lit up my life. 

           It is difficult to put into words just how hard it is when grief and holiday joy collide.  After 29 years of losing my nephew, I've come to learn that it's okay to hold space for both.  To let the memories wash over me, and to honor the love that still lives on.  

           I have always LOVED the Christmas season, but I would not be telling the truth if I said  that I am already looking forward to the holidays. I'm not......My heart is still grieving.  There's a shadow that now lingers around, and I'm not sure that the glowing lights, the Christmas music or the traditions that used to bring so much joy will be there this year.  It is hard to reconcile celebration with sorrow, especially when the rest of the world keeps moving as if nothing changed. But...something did change for me, and it is okay for me to admit that. 

                     Still, I am learning that love and grief walk hand in hand.  That it is possible to honor both what was loss and what still remains. 

          These holidays feel heavier now, but I must remember that they are also filled with Grace. This is a chance to remember, to reflect and to feel the love that never leaves me. 

          But Dear Journal....let me be clear.....I do not mean to be selfish in my sorrow.  My heart also aches for the families whose sons and daughters were killed in the line of duty.  They are the true heroes.  Memorial day is their sacred reminder too.  It's a mix of pride, pain, and memories that no words can fully express.  I honor them deeply.

           And at Christmas, I do know the beauty of that holy night.   I haven't forgotten that Jesus was born, and with His birth came Hope for the world.  Yet, even then, God knew His Son must one day die.  That truth hits differently now.  It reminds me that God fully understands what it feels like to love and to lose. He is not distant from my grief...He steps in to it with me. 

                      

Thank you dear journal for allowing me to share my deepest thoughts.  My prayer list follows and today it is a private list.

Shug

 For my blogging friends...I am posting this today in order for my journal letter to be included in one of my blog books to be printed.  Rarely do I post letters from my journal.