Funnies

Need some laughter for the day......

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.


"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"


The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"


The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."



A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.


"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." 
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A tour bus driver is driving down a highway with a bus full of seniors, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches.



Fifteen minutes later, she taps him on the shoulder again and hands him another handful of almonds.  She repeats this gesture about eight times. 

At the ninth tap on his shoulder, the bus driver asks the little old lady why they don't eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth.  They are not able to chew them.  "Why do you buy them, then?" he asks, puzzled.  The old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."...............................

Oh, and I love this one!

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.  She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.  She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well every time you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about that for a few moments and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


I have a busy, busy, day today......Hope you enjoy just a little bit of laughter...Give someone a smile today!!


Shug