Grief does not magically end after the death of a parent, a loved one or a friend. I have no idea what causes feelings of grief to return on certain days or on the anniversary date of a loved ones death....but I do believe that it is a normal feeling for us as people.
It's not sympathy that I'm looking for.....and I don't believe that sympathy even crosses the mind of others who experience delayed reactions to a death. There are many people, including myself who hold strong emotional depths of love in their heart.
The anniversary date of my Dad's death is coming up this next week. While I know that he is now in heaven.....and is no longer suffering from alzheimer's and a stroke that left him unable to swallow.....I also know that my heart hurts.
The truth is....for some of us....we need a much longer time to grieve. Hey....I know a good bit about grieving....I've experienced grief many times. My sister passed away at an early age. She was 28.
Her son (my nephew) also passed away at an early age. He was only 28 years old. My mom was only 72 and my dad was 86.
Who wants to look as if they are dysfunctional? Not me....I prefer for others to see me as a person who has it all together...A person who is strong and in control. And for this exact reason, I never allow myself to fully grieve the death of a loved one...the way my emotional heart needs to grieve. Instead, I try to be normal like everyone else around me.
However.....the normal person does not feel what I feel. They did not love the person I am grieving over, the way I did. So....why do I want to be like the normal person? It's called fear of others thinking I am crazy.
I have even heard people say that Christians do not have to go through deep grieving experiences, because they know that their loved ones are with the Lord and that we should all be rejoicing in their home-going.
I understand the point that these people are trying to make.....but my breaking heart does not understand.
My dad passed away on Jan. 23rd, 2017.....I watched him breathe his last breath. Being there, in the room, holding a loved ones hand when they take their last breath, is a very profound experience.
This is not an experience that is easily wiped from your memory. This is why I know that it is alright for me to have the feelings that I have!!! Others around me may not understand when I cry....over a death that happened an ENTIRE YEAR AGO, but for me that entire year ago was just like YESTERDAY.
My point in writing this post is to encourage others to let their emotions be free. Don't bottle things up....it is OK to cry!
It's ok to cry any time that you feel like crying. It is definitely alright to be preoccupied with the wonderful memories of your loved one.
What is a memory? It is something remembered from the past! What is the past? There is no time frame on your past. Wonderful memories are gifts from God.
I intend to experience these wonderful memories of my loved ones, over and over again. If they bring me tears, then I welcome each and every tear.
Blessing to all of you...
Shug
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Running Behind
Running Behind.......... WHY. ↓↓↓↓ You know......some weeks are just a bit more full than other weeks, and this has been one busy week...
Hi sweet Shug~
ReplyDeleteThere's not time limit on grief. One year is such a short time...you are still fragile, your heart is still mending, and it's okay to cry, never apologize for crying; it means you're human, and you have a wonderful heart full of love.
The picture of your dad is beautiful, I can see why you loved him so much, he certainly does have a sweet smile and a beautiful countenance. And I can see that he loved his family as well. I'm assuming that these are his grandchildren? What a beautiful family and legacy he left!
It is so hard to lose those we love, but I truly believe that we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life. Your father is safe in the hallow of His hand, and he is still loving you and cheering you on, I know he is missing you and crying with you as well.
My dad died over 33 years ago, and I still miss him with every breath I take, I will be so happy to see him again!! I watch my sweet mother, who is struggling with dementia, and I pray that she will just go peacefully, but, I realize there's a reason she's still with us, one that only God knows. I thank God every day for her, and the opportunity that I have to tell her I love her...she will be 90 in March. She is also anxious to be with those she lost and loves.
You are in my prayers and my thoughts. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post Shug...sure do love you.
Hugs and Love,
Barb
Oh sweetie, I sympathize with you, as my husband died in November 2016. Did you consider going to the 13 week sessions of GriefShare, I found that very helpful. It is free and held in churches. It helps with healing. Your loss can be recent or from years ago, grief is grief.
ReplyDeleteI have heard that the "normal" grieving period is a year. But in fact we never get over it, we only learn how to deal with it as time goes on. Yes, we know the person who is gone is now with God, and is happy, and no more tears. BUT, no matter where they are, we still miss them so much! I was with my mom when she died, like you were with your dad. It is a life changing thing, almost a sacred moment, yet an awful moment as well. I think no one can understand it unless they have been through it. Lately, I try to push it down when it comes to mind, because thinking of it too much makes me physically sick.
ReplyDeleteAmen sister. It has already been 7 years since my Hubby left this earth and there are days and moments when all I want o do is cry.No one would understand so I try to do this when I'm alone, but those tears a re just beneath the surface on many days.Thanks for once again sharing your heart and this time it was words that could have come from my heart as well.
ReplyDeleteOh Sweetie ---You are human. God understands our GRIEF.... We all go through it ---and since we all are different and unique one from another, we experience it in different ways... There's no right or wrong way!!!! Some people shed more tears than others... We show our grief in so many different ways...
ReplyDeleteMy Mom died in 1991 --and I still feel her presence and still miss her. Little things (like a smell or an event or even a certain word) will remind me of her. I wish she could have met George. She could see her daughter SO happy....BUT--somehow, I know she knows that I am happy.... Thanks be to God.
When my son's wife died this past August, it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through... BUT---after all of the tears and sadness, I knew that Debbie was no longer in pain (she suffered with Bipolar Disease) ---and was now WHOLE and HEALTHY and with God... That helps me every single day ---even though I am still selfish at times wishing she were here with us (even WITH her illness)....
Life goes on and the years pass by ---and grief will get easier... We gradually remember all of the great times with our loved one and the painful times and the death will fade somewhat....
God Bless You.
Love,
Betsy